You asked…..And We….

laughed in your faces.

For 17 years, you’ve begged us for ways to mitigate the pain. We gave you sticks to bite on, you weren’t satisfied. We plied you with alcohol, you said not enough. We offered to knock you out, you said, WTF?!?!?

But now, we can retire our Arm-Triangle Choke because we’ve found a Numbing Cream so effective, it’ll dull the pain left in your heart from the attention you never received in your childhood.

Check it. Most over-the-counters have, at best 5% lidocaine which is like caffeine-free coffee, alcohol-less beer or, gah, calling golf a sport. Not here at Ted D Bare. You know how we do. For $45, you get a concoction super charged with almost 11% lidocaine, probably laced with ancestral psychoactive brew and blessed by witchery. Only way you’d feel less pain is if you were dead.

Numbing Cream

$45.00Price
Excluding Sales Tax